fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dick very happy bro
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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