It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
