I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
