you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
