I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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