Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry about my life...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
