Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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