There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
As shirtless as possible
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I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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