There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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