Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
