my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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