it was like his penis was on wheels.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
