I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Small penises have feelings too.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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