So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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