PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
