I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I look better un-naked...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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