I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
