I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
