just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My ass is underappreciated
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
