I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Im part way to drunk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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