I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
