i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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