Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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