Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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