I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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