it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize