she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
