I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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