Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
