my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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