Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
