I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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