I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
