you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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