Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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