Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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