turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
