Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize