Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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