i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
