And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
