Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize