I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
