I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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