The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
