I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
