I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
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