Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
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I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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