I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
