Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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