I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
