I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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