I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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