Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
