I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
MIDGETS
????
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
