I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
MIDGETS
????
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
