Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
