i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
