I'm gonna have a badass scar
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
