Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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