i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
