wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
