I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
