Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
