Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
