oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
