I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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