D3 body, D1 cock
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
