For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
