I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
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He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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