Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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