Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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