I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
