East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
