I CAN MOONWALK!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
