Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Randomize
