I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i already hear my dad disowning me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
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my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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