i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
