fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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