I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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