the condom got lost in my hair
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
