he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
