omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ketchup is God's man juice
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
